If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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