dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dicks are not precious.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
