non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
vagina is talking i cant
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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