It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
