Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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