Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
