First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
