Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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