woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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