Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
