i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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