I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
