Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
