Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
