God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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