I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
