wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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