i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
