drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
