I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
