There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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