need another drink. this is the easiest way
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
