No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
