1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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