I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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