Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
