So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sorry my hands just texted you
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
