just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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