I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
