You just made me feel so damn special
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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