It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
