I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
