I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
