if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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