I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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