i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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