I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
