i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
