My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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