Three words: puerto rican gang bang
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize