i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
