You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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