oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
