he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
