So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This baby is an asshole
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
