worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
