I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
