he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
