That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
