I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
