I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
