At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize