goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
