The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
should my penis look like a turkey
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
