how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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