checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
