got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
