On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
