You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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