never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
