so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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