I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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