Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
