there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
