it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
