I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
