sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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