what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
