he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's never too late to be topless.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
